úterý 22. listopadu 2011
Emo evening
I am jealous of songs. They are able to say I love you without hesitation or regret. Always sharing the emotion to the fullest. I can´t do that. I was able to say I love you only once. In a past tense. Drunk. Late at night. When I (probably) did not feel that way anymore. Why is it so easy for singers to sing I love you songs, singing I miss you, I will never get over you or even I hate you, I wish you were never born etc.? I have never been able to share emotions so raw so openly. Maybe I have never loved enough or maybe I have never been in the right relationship. Or maybe it is just who I am. Someone unable to say I love you.
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Interesting observation: What I call the "I love you" divide might just be the greatest proof of linguistic relativity (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linguistic_relativity) that I've ever seen. Americans here say they "love" everything; they're much quicker to say that about people in a romantic way than we Czechs are. What's interesting is that this removes conceptual limitations for me, too - but only as long as I'm dealing in English. Czech, I'd rather clamp up again. (Perhaps to the extent that I'd find it problematic/uncomfortable to write even this comment in Czech.)
So. If your singers sing in English, maybe it's not you. Maybe it's the culture you just don't neuro-linguistically share.
(Or maybe not. Didn't take enough Psych classes for me to assume with any appreciable degree of certainty that this actually makes sense. Which never stopped me from hypothesizing.)
-- Sh
(Also with opinions on appropriate questions to not ask the Internet)
I don't think it's necessarily a virtue to be able to channel ALL your feelings for someone. I think the normal thing is to only share feelings like that when it matters = not every day. So don't worry, you're normal. (or at least you're more like me)
Shippy, you are very right in observing that Americans are quick (often too quick) to say I love you and that they say it so often, that it becomes very easy and probably less meaningful when they say it. So, you might be right to point to the influence of culture, but my problem is not just the language. It is the sharing of the emotions that is difficult for me. Yes, I agree that sharing all emotions all the time is not a virtue, then again, never sharing any is not ideal as well.
Hence the sentiment of being jealous of those, who are able to say what they feel.
I disagree somewhat with Shippy's take on culture. Language doesn't exist as an isolated tool of communication which is completely detached from life itself (like math, for instance :-) ). Words are defined by context in which they are used. When you say "I really love this pie" at a birthday party, it feels different from saying "I love you" to a girl during a romantic dinner with candles. And I would argue that even an American can feel that difference. To back my point up with evidence: take TV shows, sitcoms etc. The "L" word is always a big issue in these, often bigger than saying "Lets move in together.", for instance. There is "love" and then there's "Love", so to speak.
As for the difficulty of emotion-sharing, I guess that the importance of it may be overrated. What counts is whether or not your feelings are known to and understood by the other side - that does not necessarily imply the need to actually express them, or not verbally, at least.
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