Once you start truly loving someone, they become a fact in your existence. You cannot even imagine not having them around. It is not that your life is revolving around them, but they are an anchor, that keeps you in the right place. You are unable to imagine that they would disappear. And then, they do. They die. And as life continues to go on, as it fails to stop, you feel like screaming. Everyone and everything should stop, freeze, not continue moving, but they don´t. You don´t understand how that could be..
With time you acknowledge that that anchor was just a subjective feeling. Your loss and anger transforms into fear. Fear that you will be able to forget the things that were important. Fear that with time, you might forget the person.
Není to kynuté těsto, které je na dotyk jako babiččina kůže, ale je to babiččina kůže, která byla na dotyk jako kynuté těsto.
You realize that the details are becoming blurry, that your memories are losing the sharpness that they once had. You cannot help it and yet you wish to prevent it in any way possible.
Then you realize that you did not cry yourself to sleep for some time and in a way that bothers you. It feels like you have abandoned the person you loved, like you moved on, when you should not have, when you decided that you never would.
Dílo času, kterému nelze uniknout.